…and then the fight started…

15. Oct, 2009 0 Comments

1) My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— —
2) My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire” while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said,
“Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying,
“Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started….
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
3) Saturday morning I got up early to go fishing, quietly
dressed, made my lunch, and tip-toed into the garage. I
hooked up the boat to the truck and proceeded to back out
into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph,
so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is
terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe
my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And then the fight started ……
———— ——— ——— —
4) I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car. You know how sometimes you just get so
stressed, and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… He was a
MIDGET!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”
So I looked down at him and said,

“Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started.. …
—————————————————————————
5) My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny
& sleek that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds…’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started…
——— ——— ——— —–
6) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive…. so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…
——— ——— —–
7) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my
pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to
go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me’ and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants..
You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…
——— ——— —–
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.
I understand she started drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a
person could go on celebrating
that long?’
And then the fight started…
———— ——— —–
9) I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad
cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— —
10) A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.’